Jane describes her teen son as "a very funny, intelligent, haphazard, chaotic creature". While he thrives socially at school, he's always had academic issues - and like many parents his mum is struggling to motivate him to finish year 12. But that doesn't faze him.

Because, as Jane (not her real name) told ABC podcast, Parental As Anything: Teens: "According to him, he's going to become a world-famous musician. So, he doesn't need to study or to perform well at school because it's irrelevant... there is no plan B."

While his parents respect their son's aspirations - and being a musician is a long-term commitment of his - they still want to guide him towards other options and interests, because the music industry is notoriously difficult to crack, regardless of talent.

Another factor for Jane is that her son has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), a diagnosis shared by over eight per cent of Australian children.

With more and more distractions available to teens (looking at you, phone!), it's no wonder parents can find it hard to get their children to take school seriously and get organised.

Why teens can struggle with organisation

While many parents focus on their children's final year of school, youth coach and author Claire Eaton says that setting your child up for success - whatever that looks like - needs to start earlier.

"It's really a six-year journey, and every year is setting the scene for the next year," says Ms Eaton, who has 20 years' experience in education, including as a teacher and deputy principal.

Parental As Anything: Teens host and teen educator Bec Sparrow says she often hears from parents whose children are struggling with the step up in study needed from the start of high school.

Ms Eaton says that's because skills they need including "time management, prioritising, organising yourself and task initiation" all happen in the frontal lobe.

"[And] a teenager's frontal lobe is going through so much change, development and renovation in their high school years and beyond."

The issue can also be heightened for kids with ADHD.

Helping your child set up a plan

Ms Eaton says children often need their parents' help to identify their strengths and weaknesses, including when in the day and week they work best.

Many high schoolers, she explains, have meltdowns on Sunday evening or Monday morning when they realise they aren't ready for the week ahead.

That's why she recommends doing a "Sunday set-up": setting aside parent-led time on a Sunday to plan, with your child, their week ahead.

"It may feel like an absolute drag. My son complained about Sunday set-up from year seven to year 12... but did it get him through? Absolutely."

"Planning reduces that natural overwhelm that can emerge on a Monday morning... and it frees up that young person's brain to show up, learn, be creative and be more spontaneous."

Ms Eaton says that it's great when our kids find something they love - like Jane's son and music - but it's easy for that to topple the balance of their lives. So she suggests negotiating with your child during that Sunday set-up.

"[Say to them:] 'If you want to do 10 hours a week of the thing you love, we need to schedule that for you because life is about... doing the things that light you up. But it's also, unfortunately, about doing the things that don't light you up so much.'"

How to motivate your child and get them to focus

Recent research showed that 83 per cent of Australian parents and carers felt their children were negatively distracted by digital devices.

To help your child focus on schoolwork, Ms Sparrow recommends having a routine study time when devices are away.

That doesn't necessarily mean they'll feel motivated, though.

As Ms Eaton points out, "The reality of school is that for many children, it's hard for them to see the value in it."

"I encourage young people to let go of that desire to feel motivated all the time and... rather than wait for motivation, tap into your 'why': the purpose and the reason that you're doing this."

And that purpose can be as simple as "completing this essay gets me more time to do the thing I love" or "finishing this equation gets my parents off my back".

Helping neurodivergent kids get organised

Jane's son is hoping to study music. But Jane is worried that his lackadaisical approach to study, coupled with disorganisation, will be a major impediment to completing a degree.

While medication has helped his ADHD, he still struggles with organisation and his parents have to step in.

"We have these structures in place because it can literally take half an hour in the morning to get him to put his school shoes on... his ability to manage his own time is non-existent, essentially," says Jane.

Ms Eaton says setting up good routines is a helpful first step - and not just for neurodivergent kids.

She says the number of small tasks that need to be completed in the morning - including toothbrushing, bag packing, preparing lunch or helping with household chores - can be very overwhelming to young people.

Ms Eaton recommends breaking all the tasks down into a tick-able list you can laminate and put up so your child can visualise what needs to be accomplished. You can approach the afternoon, when kids are exhausted from school and struggling to manage their time, in a similar fashion.

She also suggests attaching time limits to tasks to help your child understand how long certain things should take.

As Ms Sparrow points out: "If we have good habits or routines in place, it means we don't have to rely on motivation."

Article by Hannah Reich for Parental As Anything

Posted 4 September, 2024

Published by ABC News